Post by oldschoolcruiser on Mar 21, 2007 10:05:13 GMT -5
I copied this: ;D
REAL CARS
REAL CARS have:
vent windows
side air vents down by your feet
the high beam switch on the floor (the way nature intended)
rear-passenger side windows that roll ALL THE WAY down
doors that unlock with the ignition key
doors that lock only when you hold the outside button in
an engine with over 340 lb.-ft. of torque
an engine with a NAME, like "Turbo-Jet" or "Super Commando"
available *optional* power steering; powerful enough to enable you to parallel park using only 2 fingers
gas mileage approaching 14 mpg... if Grandma drives
doors that don't cave in if you lean on them
windshield wiper arms made of shiny metal
speedometers with needles, accurate to +/- 10 mph
round headlights, one size fits all
a speaker grille in the middle of the dash
Optional (thank God) power brakes that will send you sideways if you sneeze on them
A clutch pedal that approximates the width of an adult's foot
A shifter on the steering column
A carburetor that has butterflies the size of manhole covers
Switches on the steering column that include:
(a) turn signals
(b) hazard flashers
A real, honest to God dual exhaust
Bumpers that let you bump into things without going broke
A trunk lid that doubles as a sun deck
-horn rings
-am mono radios
-blower-type rear "defogger" (if any)
-push/pull headlight switch which turns to vary the instrument panel lighting (which is blue/green) and turn on the dome light
-parking brake on the LEFT side of the car, NOT in the center between the seats.
-wing windows
-ONE cigarette lighter
-full-size spare tires
-top-terminal batteries
-carburetors
-engine-driven cooling fans, not electric.
-manual brakes
-chrome trim and bumpers, not black plastic.
-polarized-blue strip at the top of the windshield (sometimes)
a trunk big enough to carry a compact car as a spare if needed
A "V" shaped wedge of solid iron under the hood
8 pistons, each with more metal than a Honda
Gas lines and pump with enough capacity to bail out the Exxon Valdes (SP)
An oil pan the size of a wading pool
Seats and cargo room big enough to handle a whole town (so, that's why they called it the "Town Car"!)
a package tray big enough to hold 14 x-mas gifts, without an obscuring brake light.
chrome, chrome and more chrome.
An engine measured in CUBIC INCHES! Plus, a metal plate on the 1/4-panel telling the world how many you got!
polished aluminum step plates
timing CHAINS, and they don't take 13 days and pulling the engine to replace!
Lifting the hood and being able to see lotsa ground, and not *any* electronic mystery pods or miles of vacuum lines.
window cranks that don't twist and squirm and feel like they're breaking when you use them.
AM Radios that preset stations by pulling on the station buttons themselves.
Having to warn someone before they drive your car on how fast and squirrely it can be.
Automatics that just had one DRIVE mode; instead of town/country/soft/sporty/OD. etc...
Trunks large enough to sneak TWO friends into the drive-in movie.
Plastic was to be used only on steering wheel, dash knobs and door lock buttons.
an ignition switch on the dash where it belongs...
a hood release buried somewhere behind the grille...
Let us not forget a back seat big enough it could be used at the Drive-in as a seat or whatever
No need for Metric wrenches
A color scheme of the owner's choice
A color scheme other than red, white, black or grey :}
Iron Ingot construction, for extra weight, without needless extra strength. ALUMINUM, UGH!
BIAS PLY tires.
The guy at the emissions test station don't know how to "Pop the Hood", and after he looks at the engine, says "That's an eight, isn't it?"
Power steers with the palm of yer hand.
Vinyl bench seats you can slide all over whenever you change course.
A real sheet metal dash, with tons of chrome on all the levers and knobs.
Power brakes you rite thru the windshield with about 2 pounds of pressure on the pedal.
Totally lacks traction at the rear, accelerating, braking, or cornering.
Wheels with larger diameters than the steering wheel.
Radiators larger than a sheet of notebook paper.
Chrome Wheels, and: A distinct LACK of 'wheel covers'.
A hood that you can see from the drivers seat.
A trunk lid that you can't see from the drivers seat. (whata isa behinda me...)
A rear-view mirror that doesn't dim itself.
Seats that only move fore-and-aft, and you have to move it yourself, no motors.
A fairly non-useful back seat. (for sitting, that is)
A rear seat you can stretch out on.
An engine in the front of the car, FACING the front of the car, driving the REAR wheels.
A choke. Manual.
Only YOU know how to start it on the first try on a COLD day.
Seat belts that double as bottle openers (pre- '68 GM)
A CIGAR, not cigarette, lighter.
A drive shaft bigger than your forearm.
A LEAK of SOME sort. In the immortal words of dear ol' Dad; "I wouldn't own a car that didn't have the Gumption to mark its territory!"
Real cars must have some feature or option that has a name ending in "A-Matic" or "O-Ramic" like Cruise-o-Matic, Hydramatic, Futuramic, Ultramatic, etc.
A Name. Either:
1) one that conjures up images of speed/ power; LeSabre, Galaxie, Wildcat, Charger, Skylark, Barracuda, Mustang, Corvette, Dart, Lancer, Marlin, Demon.
Or 2) a name that sets an image or conveys the purpose of the car. Valiant, Imperial, Royal, Swinger, Scamp, Duster and *turnpike cruiser.*
3) a name that has some real meaning, connected with the car itself; Z28, GS455, 442, R/T, Trans Am, TR6, etc,
But NOT:
1) a name conjuring up images of harmony and togetherness; Accord, Civic, Prelude, Tempo, Stanza, Legacy, vigor.
2) a name made up of words having no meaning; Maxima, Tercel, Corolla, Previa, etc, What the hell is Justy? Cordia? Tredia? Paseo? Passat? Supra? Celica? Montero? Golf? (well, that one has a meaning, but it's NOT automotive) Worse, what's a Camry, a Cressida, a Tercel, a Corolla? Toyota is one of the worst with this.
And NOT non-words that are supposed to evoke some emotion or something (yeh, right) such as: Integra, Impreza, Loyale, Galant, Prizm (not a word--the optical device is spelled with an "s.")
From the Antique Boys;
Rear wheel brakes only - you don't want to lose steering control when you have to stop quickly.
Manual brakes - as in cables.
Spark and throttle controls right in the middle of the steering wheel.
Any part of the car that has the word 'board' in it is actually made out of wood! (dash board, floor board, etc)
Wheels *AND* rims.
Crash gear boxes, sychromeshes are for wimps....
A real trunk - as in a large wooden box that straps onto the back of the car.
Flip out windshield for extra cooling on hot days.
A motometer (and if you don't know what that is, too bad...)
And of course - must be made by a company that no longer exists.... :-) so there.
lack of computers
room to work on them (on the engine and under the dash)
the ability to tell them apart ( you could tell a Studebaker from a Plymouth)
room enough for 6 (really)
Detachable wings (fenders).
Gearbox/Back axle filler caps/dipsticks accessible from inside car.
Starting handles. Not for starting, but for ignition/valve timing.
Built in jacks. (Anyone remember the Red Jackall system?)
REAL CARS
REAL CARS have:
vent windows
side air vents down by your feet
the high beam switch on the floor (the way nature intended)
rear-passenger side windows that roll ALL THE WAY down
doors that unlock with the ignition key
doors that lock only when you hold the outside button in
an engine with over 340 lb.-ft. of torque
an engine with a NAME, like "Turbo-Jet" or "Super Commando"
available *optional* power steering; powerful enough to enable you to parallel park using only 2 fingers
gas mileage approaching 14 mpg... if Grandma drives
doors that don't cave in if you lean on them
windshield wiper arms made of shiny metal
speedometers with needles, accurate to +/- 10 mph
round headlights, one size fits all
a speaker grille in the middle of the dash
Optional (thank God) power brakes that will send you sideways if you sneeze on them
A clutch pedal that approximates the width of an adult's foot
A shifter on the steering column
A carburetor that has butterflies the size of manhole covers
Switches on the steering column that include:
(a) turn signals
(b) hazard flashers
A real, honest to God dual exhaust
Bumpers that let you bump into things without going broke
A trunk lid that doubles as a sun deck
-horn rings
-am mono radios
-blower-type rear "defogger" (if any)
-push/pull headlight switch which turns to vary the instrument panel lighting (which is blue/green) and turn on the dome light
-parking brake on the LEFT side of the car, NOT in the center between the seats.
-wing windows
-ONE cigarette lighter
-full-size spare tires
-top-terminal batteries
-carburetors
-engine-driven cooling fans, not electric.
-manual brakes
-chrome trim and bumpers, not black plastic.
-polarized-blue strip at the top of the windshield (sometimes)
a trunk big enough to carry a compact car as a spare if needed
A "V" shaped wedge of solid iron under the hood
8 pistons, each with more metal than a Honda
Gas lines and pump with enough capacity to bail out the Exxon Valdes (SP)
An oil pan the size of a wading pool
Seats and cargo room big enough to handle a whole town (so, that's why they called it the "Town Car"!)
a package tray big enough to hold 14 x-mas gifts, without an obscuring brake light.
chrome, chrome and more chrome.
An engine measured in CUBIC INCHES! Plus, a metal plate on the 1/4-panel telling the world how many you got!
polished aluminum step plates
timing CHAINS, and they don't take 13 days and pulling the engine to replace!
Lifting the hood and being able to see lotsa ground, and not *any* electronic mystery pods or miles of vacuum lines.
window cranks that don't twist and squirm and feel like they're breaking when you use them.
AM Radios that preset stations by pulling on the station buttons themselves.
Having to warn someone before they drive your car on how fast and squirrely it can be.
Automatics that just had one DRIVE mode; instead of town/country/soft/sporty/OD. etc...
Trunks large enough to sneak TWO friends into the drive-in movie.
Plastic was to be used only on steering wheel, dash knobs and door lock buttons.
an ignition switch on the dash where it belongs...
a hood release buried somewhere behind the grille...
Let us not forget a back seat big enough it could be used at the Drive-in as a seat or whatever
No need for Metric wrenches
A color scheme of the owner's choice
A color scheme other than red, white, black or grey :}
Iron Ingot construction, for extra weight, without needless extra strength. ALUMINUM, UGH!
BIAS PLY tires.
The guy at the emissions test station don't know how to "Pop the Hood", and after he looks at the engine, says "That's an eight, isn't it?"
Power steers with the palm of yer hand.
Vinyl bench seats you can slide all over whenever you change course.
A real sheet metal dash, with tons of chrome on all the levers and knobs.
Power brakes you rite thru the windshield with about 2 pounds of pressure on the pedal.
Totally lacks traction at the rear, accelerating, braking, or cornering.
Wheels with larger diameters than the steering wheel.
Radiators larger than a sheet of notebook paper.
Chrome Wheels, and: A distinct LACK of 'wheel covers'.
A hood that you can see from the drivers seat.
A trunk lid that you can't see from the drivers seat. (whata isa behinda me...)
A rear-view mirror that doesn't dim itself.
Seats that only move fore-and-aft, and you have to move it yourself, no motors.
A fairly non-useful back seat. (for sitting, that is)
A rear seat you can stretch out on.
An engine in the front of the car, FACING the front of the car, driving the REAR wheels.
A choke. Manual.
Only YOU know how to start it on the first try on a COLD day.
Seat belts that double as bottle openers (pre- '68 GM)
A CIGAR, not cigarette, lighter.
A drive shaft bigger than your forearm.
A LEAK of SOME sort. In the immortal words of dear ol' Dad; "I wouldn't own a car that didn't have the Gumption to mark its territory!"
Real cars must have some feature or option that has a name ending in "A-Matic" or "O-Ramic" like Cruise-o-Matic, Hydramatic, Futuramic, Ultramatic, etc.
A Name. Either:
1) one that conjures up images of speed/ power; LeSabre, Galaxie, Wildcat, Charger, Skylark, Barracuda, Mustang, Corvette, Dart, Lancer, Marlin, Demon.
Or 2) a name that sets an image or conveys the purpose of the car. Valiant, Imperial, Royal, Swinger, Scamp, Duster and *turnpike cruiser.*
3) a name that has some real meaning, connected with the car itself; Z28, GS455, 442, R/T, Trans Am, TR6, etc,
But NOT:
1) a name conjuring up images of harmony and togetherness; Accord, Civic, Prelude, Tempo, Stanza, Legacy, vigor.
2) a name made up of words having no meaning; Maxima, Tercel, Corolla, Previa, etc, What the hell is Justy? Cordia? Tredia? Paseo? Passat? Supra? Celica? Montero? Golf? (well, that one has a meaning, but it's NOT automotive) Worse, what's a Camry, a Cressida, a Tercel, a Corolla? Toyota is one of the worst with this.
And NOT non-words that are supposed to evoke some emotion or something (yeh, right) such as: Integra, Impreza, Loyale, Galant, Prizm (not a word--the optical device is spelled with an "s.")
From the Antique Boys;
Rear wheel brakes only - you don't want to lose steering control when you have to stop quickly.
Manual brakes - as in cables.
Spark and throttle controls right in the middle of the steering wheel.
Any part of the car that has the word 'board' in it is actually made out of wood! (dash board, floor board, etc)
Wheels *AND* rims.
Crash gear boxes, sychromeshes are for wimps....
A real trunk - as in a large wooden box that straps onto the back of the car.
Flip out windshield for extra cooling on hot days.
A motometer (and if you don't know what that is, too bad...)
And of course - must be made by a company that no longer exists.... :-) so there.
lack of computers
room to work on them (on the engine and under the dash)
the ability to tell them apart ( you could tell a Studebaker from a Plymouth)
room enough for 6 (really)
Detachable wings (fenders).
Gearbox/Back axle filler caps/dipsticks accessible from inside car.
Starting handles. Not for starting, but for ignition/valve timing.
Built in jacks. (Anyone remember the Red Jackall system?)
